Rants and raves from a woman with way to much on her plate. I am a woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, and small business owner.
I have been wishing this whole year would be over and I’m almost there. Without a doubt this is the worst year ever - hands down! Bar none! undeniably!
Thing’s in my life are difficult right now. As I ponder and debate in my head all of my problems I feel like running away. That however is not an option as I am not a quitter but right now I feel small and insignificant. Which makes me reminiscent of being a child. I remember my mom being stressed and fatigued but she kept on going. Her way of dealing with stress though was by hitting us it was her solution to stress. Spilt milk a good slap to the face, late home after school a good ass kicking, correcting her grammar slap. The beatings and beratings were endless and when I was beaten I felt small and insignificant. Unable to defend myself lest I raise my hand to my parents.” Yep, christianity in all its insane forms makes for tons of excuses as to why we must allow ourselves to be flogged. Either way I would have never thought of striking my mother much as I wanted to on occasions. Anyway, I digress much as i want to run away from my problems I feel the need to dive in to work. Partly to forget my problems and partly to feel that perhaps I will achieve something. Mind you the jobs I’m considering would be mediocre. Maybe working as a waitress, or ticket taker, cleaning a building at night so as not to have anyone see me. I don’t want to be seen. I want to be insignificant. I both hate my insignicficance and crave it.